


Didn't know I needed you until you were gone

by Swagclops



Category: The Wolverine (2013), X-Men (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Dreaming!Logan, F/M, Heaven!Jean, Heaven!Scott, Jean/Logan hinted, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-15
Updated: 2014-01-15
Packaged: 2018-01-08 20:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1137217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swagclops/pseuds/Swagclops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Universe Alteration based during ‘The Wolverine’ where Jean is keeping secrets from Logan in their nightly conversations only for him to find out she's not as alone as she told him she was. Old feelings resurface, no actual timeline in the movie to base this on. Brief Logan/Jean mentioned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Didn't know I needed you until you were gone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scottxlogan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scottxlogan/gifts).



> This was written when my internet crashed for a night, not proof read before publishing. It's lacking in detail at most points with Jean because I was selfish and wanted to get to Scott as soon as I could.
> 
> May contain spoilers, not based on any actual events from the movie besides seeing Jean in heaven.
> 
> I LOVE the idea of Logan seeing Scott in heaven instead of Jean so I tried to work with an idea that would make it possible. It says chapter one but I'm not sure if it will be continued.

Logan had always dreaded sleeping, never even feeling well rested after waking up in a cold sweat, claws torn from his knuckles without permission. Without _control_. That had always been his worst fear, impaling someone who happened to be near him in his moments of waking up. Unless they were the bad guy then more power to him, right? That was the worst it could get, violence and needing to replace furniture. Now it was something else, something he couldn’t even _begin_ to explain. Was it all imaginary? Just his past coming to haunt him in this new sick way? Or was it real, was she real..? He didn’t want to believe that the ghost of Jean Grey was haunting him, it didn’t really feel like a haunting..she was so flawless and everything about his dreams..visions? Was so peaceful, even relaxing. It felt almost safe, if there was anywhere safe for Logan to be.

Every night she would come to him, dressed in a beautiful white dress, wearing that wonderfully endearing smile that was only for him now. They kissed at first, then they just held each other, after a while they mostly talked. Sounds nice? No, every time before he woke up there was always those  _last_  parting words. That one sentence that condemned his night to be restless. Her blood was on his hands, he hurt people, he didn’t know if she was an angel or some kind of twisted torment his conscious brewed up for him. His past will never let him go, it will never let him sleep. She reminded him of what he is good at..and that what he is good at isn’t very nice. He wanted to be alone, her words stung, he’s tired of waking up and screaming her name for something that she begged him to do. There could have been another way but he could never say no to her.

Even when she made him promise to watch over Scott before Phoenix had risen he didn’t refuse.

Back before all of this he remembers the feel of the fearless leader collapsing against him, sobbing his broken heart out as Logan choked down his own despair and disbelief. He remembered the days that followed where he would grab hold of the younger Mutant and force him to feel for just one second, whether it was anger or sadness, something that made him human. It was like replacing Jean by being with the one she loved most, keeping his promise to watch over Scott and even growing his own sort of twisted affection. Logan wanted him to feel, Jean wanted him to be alive, and he also wanted to be close to her. At first it was just creepy, like Scott was signed to Logan in her will and he took full possession, then it became more protective and less dominant over time.

It had been worth it sometimes, where he would get a snarky comment or even making Cyclops smirk at some smartass retort he had. Times like those he hung onto during his last days with the X-Men. Those pink lips either in a blank thin line or hiding amusement, the way his eyebrows creased at anything Logan said. It was always annoyance, he could smell it on him, bitterness and rivalry was always fresh in his Scott’s scent. Not it smelled of dirt, decay, and bone marrow, six feet under. Or where ever the hell he is, Jean never gave him a straight answer. “I think I kill him.” Was pretty easy to guess but..where was never confirmed and how, or if there was a possible chance he was still kicking somewhere. Damn bastard was a walking corpse for years why choose to die then?

The why was easy. Phoenix. No one blamed Jean for the blood on her hands, no one ever would see her anything but a hero for once saving an X-Men..but some would still remember her has the monster that once tried to destroy them.

The dreams became too much to bare after a while, he could only take so much guilt each night in the form of his past love. He began distancing himself within his dreams..visions? To the point where sometimes they would just lay in bed, or he would lay alone and she would sit across the room and try to talk to him. It was cruel but wasn’t her being there pouring salt over the wound? Seeing her was opening scars that never even had a chance to fully heal. If they did talk it was about what he was doing with his life. How could he leave the X-Men behind after everything they have been through together? Shouldn’t giving her life up be enough for him to live one of his one with people that would watch his back? Where he could call people his friends and a building his home? Logan would argue that it all went south after Scott was gone..that never went over well, Jean would grow silent and sullen, she would look out the window often as if looking for something but if he followed her gaze nothing would be there.

He missed the brief butting of heads, the challenges, the glares, the lingering glances. Logan missed a lot about Scott and the more he woke up with Jean by his side the more he thought of him. If Jean was here and he wasn’t could Scott possibly be alive somewhere? Or was he falling for his own tricks in thinking this is actually heaven and Jean is actually here next to him every night?

She asked him if he missed Scott.

He told her not a chance in hell and held her again, that time she was the one who didn’t return the embrace.

The next night he stayed up longer than usual, wanting to prolong the meeting. Once Logan would have argued that all he ever wanted in his love was Jean Grey, now he wasn’t even thinking about it. He refused to think about why that was. When Logan opened his eyes in a familiar white room. A few things were different, the smell wasn’t feminine like she had always been. The bed beside him was empty, not even warm. Sitting up the Wolverine looked around, inhaling to see if there was any trace of her. It was distant but he also got a whiff of something else. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it but it was a familiar scent.

Pushing himself from the white covers he scratched a hand idly over his chest, only clad in jeans and his usual white wife beater. This was the first time he actually moved around this place, it felt distant, like he was walking but not really going anywhere. A door before him was cracked open, light coming though. It was enough to make him squint, holding a hand up to shield his eyes while he pushed the door open. What he was made his whole body tense up, it wasn’t a monster, not some nightmare ready to jump at him.

It was the back of a 6 foot plus in height male, wearing a white T-shirt and PJ bottoms, facing away from Logan and looking out the window of some living room he never noticed before. Memory hit him like a train wreck, the brown wavy hair, straight posture, the deep scent he could never get enough of that spoke authority and after shave. Before he could get a better look, maybe even move closer, Jean was in front of his field of vision, a dark look in her eyes. “Go back to bed.” Her words were oddly soft for such an angry expression, like Logan had just raided everything personal of hers.

Go back to bed he did, a force dragged him backwards almost in slow motion, he felt dizzy and fell back against the covers. He could hear his slurred words, echoing as the white room around him slowly hazed into black. Soon that was it and he was swinging his arms around, sitting up in dark worn covers, nothing heavenly about the room he is in. the old Mutants mind was reeling at what he has seen. It was always just Jean, she was always talking about how alone she was, that no one there spoke to her. But..that was Scott, Logan knows it was him, he could travel through hell and to heaven maintaining that the long figure at the window was Scott Summers. A part of him growled at this, she knew this whole time, always hiding him away like some big damn secret. Why? What was it to her if Logan saw the leader there? Wasn’t it old news that Scott was dead?

But now he was still around, he was still where Logan could see him, speak to him, challenge him and hear those snarky remarks or his ridiculous dry humor. Next time he will see him, Jean be damned, no one will keep him from seeing the truth. He..he must be going crazy..get a hold of yourself Logan, these are just images of guilt showing you what you want only to wait until you feel safe to stab you in the back. It’s how it works.

He doesn’t dream of heaven, if anything it felt like they dropped him into the burning pits of hell. His nightmares were worse, he thrashed and growled, sweated and screamed, night after night for a single week.

Finally when he thought he was finished with those visions he awoke in the white room once again, this time he didn’t wake up alone. Blearily he turned his head, staring at the person laying on their side next to him. Cleanly shaved strong jaw, lips forming a hint of a smile, brown hair curlier then he remembers. The feature that made his breath catch the most was the bright blue eyes revealed to him, staring down with amusement. It was an almost playful look if you knew how to read the man, which Logan did. “About time, Slim.” He whispered, sitting up and turning to face the man he never thought he would see again, Scott Summers.

“She said you wanted to see me.” Came the reply, not even a question, more of a command for Logan to tell him why. Why did he want to see him? “Even dead you’re still a thorn in my side.”He didn’t smile, he also sat up, tilting his head and looking at Logan with open interest and minor irritation. Expecting his reasoning to be stupid, or to not have a reason at all.

“She was hiding you from me, why?” Was the first thing he could think of, leave it to Logan to make everything a personal attack or plot against him. Living his life it usually was. Scott didn’t reply for a bit, even dropping his gaze towards the door. “I didn’t want to see you.” It was spoken clear, no way to mistake his words for something more pleasant. Logan reached forward and gripped his arm, squeezing slightly to feel him. He was real, warm, firm against his hold. “What do you mean?” His grip tightened, even taking a hold of Scott’s over arm and making the man face him. “Slim.”

He rolled his eyes, how many times has he done that but no one ever saw? “I mean I didn’t want to see you, I’m not even sure why you want me here. Then again, maybe I’m just your guilty conscience. I never did anything to make you feel regret and even if I did..” Blue eyes flicked towards the door again “You felt no remorse.” That pissed him off, he gave the idiot a quick shake, just enough for him to give Logan an incredulous glare. “Dammit, Scott! For once quit thinking everything is about me and her, move on already, you’re dead, yea? Shouldn’t you have made peace with all that shit?”

There is was, the small shit eating smirk, the tilt of his eyebrow. The look that spoke clearly that he had a witty comeback and Logan wouldn’t be able to top it. “Over my dead body.”

He remembers that he hates him.

“Maybe I just wanted to see you’re okay.” That actually made the leader bark out a bitter laugh, giving him a smile that held no joy “Okay? You think I’m okay? Open your eyes Logan.” He moved in closer, causing the thicker man to freeze up when he felt warm breath against his cheek “I woke up here, but unlike you, I don’t have the option of waking up again.” He closed his eyes, inhaling Scott’s scent deeply. It was clean, even hid after shave was the same..brown eyes snapped open at another lingering smell, it was coppery, tainted.   
“No..” His breathing went ragged and huffed, struggling to keep his head straight. No, no no nonono. Not this, not Scott. He waited too long to see him for this to happen, why was this happening!? Scott slumped against his shoulder, his voice turning bitter, dark as he growled against his neck “My life has nothing to do with you, Logan..”

His pale fingers gripped Logan’s wrists, covered in blood. He could feel the leader trembling, tensed in pain as he stared in horror of his own claws ripped through the boys stomach. “Scott!” Fuck! Not again, why is this happening? No, he didn’t deserve this, he didn’t do this. For once it isn’t his fault, it isn’t his fault he didn’t protect him. “..So why do you feel guilty for it?”

“Stop it!” He shouted, pulling his claws back and immediately regretted it. Slim fell down against him ”Scott! Fuck..Scott!” Logan wrapped his arms around the limp body, watching as those blue eyes watched him, glazing over with tears. “Logan..stop this. Why are you doing this?” “I’m not! I didn’t want to, please, I didn’t want to hurt you..!” Scott snapped his attention to him, a hand grabbing his hair and pulling him down, nails digging into his scalp.

“If you didn’t want to hurt me you would have left the second you opened your eyes and saw her.” The voice wasn’t Scott’s, it was darker, demonic even. Like it wasn't even the young leader telling him but his own inner demons announcing the truth. It was all remembered before waking up in bed, a new set of claw marks in the mattress.

“No..” It wasn't the truth, Jean wasn't what should have made him leave. He ran his hands over his sweaty face, trembling beneath what was left of his blanket. “I should have left when I saw you.”


End file.
